Sorry your new iPhone is more flexible than your wireless plan.
I can tell by your laugh we won’t get along.
What if the ice bucket challenge was created by companies that sell bagged ice?
"I wish you protected the White House like you're protecting your reputation right now." Rep.Lynch to Secret Service on security fail #ouch
Yesterday at 4:05 pm
When I say “have a nice day,” remember that the “fucker” is silent.
Thanks for having me before the Internet could ruin my childhood.
My favorite Disney princess is Maleficent.
Mother’s Day is a sobering reminder that I have children.
I’m “Conjunction Junction” years old.
You’re giving me the douchebumps.
Go fuck your selfie.
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