You’re giving me the douchebumps.
Go fuck your selfie.
I swear to drunk I’m not God.
Though #ReplaceaMovieQuotewithaBrand is a fun hashtag, I love it when #amwriting trends and I'm reminded I am not alone. Cheers, wordsmiths!
About 6 hours ago
You don’t need to drive me crazy. I’m close enough to walk.
Leave it to the Catholics to make Ash Wednesday fall on Hump Day.
May you live long enough that you become an emotional and financial burden to your whole family.
There may be two sides to every story, but you’re still a douche in both of them.
As long as you keep loving me I can keep hiding my crazy.
Congratulations on moving into something other than a treatment facility.
Your pants say yoga, but your butt says McDonald’s.
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