May none of your real feelings slip out at Thanksgiving dinner.
Sorry your new iPhone is more flexible than your wireless plan.
I can tell by your laugh we won’t get along.
Someone Forgot to Move the Elf: on believing in Santa. ow.ly/GgMKB
About an hour ago
What if the ice bucket challenge was created by companies that sell bagged ice?
When I say “have a nice day,” remember that the “fucker” is silent.
Thanks for having me before the Internet could ruin my childhood.
My favorite Disney princess is Maleficent.
Mother’s Day is a sobering reminder that I have children.
I’m “Conjunction Junction” years old.
You’re giving me the douchebumps.
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