If you have to do math to figure out how old you are, you probably shouldn’t still be having birthday parties.
Mother’s Day is a sobering reminder that I have children.
Jesus regrets dying for you.
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Put the lotion in the basket.
who knew losing your personal property could be so enjoyable?
No matter which Hallmark road we take, we’re buying shit, just like we’re supposed to.
Because I have no life, I am happy to get virtual Valentines from Internet strangers.
Just remember being alone on Valentine’s Day is no different than any other day of your life.
Need something slutty for Valentine’s Day bribery in exchange for an overpriced dinner, flowers, and overpriced chocolates?
