Now that 9 out of 10 radio stations are playing Christmas songs 24/7, making non-Christians annoyed and actual Christians chug egg nog like it’s their job, let’s take a look at some of the most awkward, bizarre and amusing Christmas song lyrics. Next time you hear them, sing the line LOUDLY- oh, and everyone does a shot of their favorite holiday libation, too.
Why do they play this depressing song? Sounds like it's being sung by Charlie Brown. Stop being such a whiner, Chuck.
1.) “Oh, what a Christmas, to have the blues. My baby’s gone; I have no friends.” (Bells Will Be Ringing)
Who writes a song at Christmas about dying moms? Besides, she'd rather have comfy slippers. Duh.
2.) “I want her to look beautiful, if Momma meets Jesus tonight.” (Christmas Shoes)
KID. Step away from the Robitussin.
3.) “Only a hippopotamus will do. No crocodiles, no rhinoceroses. I only like hippopotamuses. And hippopotamuses like me too.” (I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas)
TMI?
4.) “Late in time behold him come, offspring of a virgin’s womb.” (Hark the Herald Angels Sing)
After awhile, even if all ten lords were smoking hot, the leaping would get annoying
5.) 12 Days of Christmas (entire song; dedicated to bizarre gifts including livestock)
Mixing alcohol and medications is no laughing matter, GRANDMA.
6. “She’d been drinkin’ too much egg nog. And we’d begged her not to go. But she’d forgot her medication, and she staggered out the door into the snow.” (Grandma Got Run Over by A Reindeer)
Bullying should not be tolerated in holiday songs.
7.) “All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names; they never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games.” (Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)
Even though they're pervy peepers, the kids don't need to find out mommy's a slut on Christmas Eve.
8.) “I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night.
She didn’t see me creep; Down the stairs to have a peep.” (I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus)
WHO? CARES?
9.) “I don’t know just who to blame for this catastrophe! But my one wish on Christmas Eve is as plain as it can be!” (All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth)
See the blazing Yule before us?
10.) “Don we now our gay apparel….” (Deck the Halls)
Merry Christmas, Pajamas and Coffee readers!! May all your Christmas wishes come true.
xoxo
@marymac
P.S. See also:
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