The only thing worse than the dilapidated house being abandoned is if it wasn’t.

Congratulations on moving into something other than a treatment facility.

…is total fucking bullshit.

Your pants say yoga, but your butt says McDonald’s.

“I remember watching the oysters filter the water.”

They can’t trade him. I spent $100 on his motherfucking sticker.

Yeah, it looks good in the snow because you can’t see the peeling paint.

The future is here, and it is mechanical sex.

There’s no age limit on a Happy Meal.

Sometimes you need to hear there’s a light at the end.