There may be two sides to every story, but you’re still a douche in both of them.
This shit drives me up the fucking wall.
Abandoned clown train remembers you.
Wendy's sea salt fries can't get you pregnant, right? Asking for a friend.
About an hour ago
Why can’t Facebook shut down when the government does?
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat in these clothes.
He’s never gonna give you Up.
How can I control my life when I can’t even control my hair?
Jesus loves you but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
I’m so old that I remember when vodka only came in vodka flavor.
I miss the rains down in Africa.
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