Girl Vs. Island: 50 Shades of Grey Hair Book Club

Categories: Uncategorized
Published on 20 Aug, 2012

“Isn’t tonight your “50 Shades of Grey Hair” book club meeting?” asked my 18 year old daughter, smirk planted firmly on face.

And we laughed, and then I told her I was totally stealing that shit for my blog post.

This past week I had the distinct honor of being invited to the Tilghman Island Book Club meeting where the book “50 Shades of Grey” was being discussed. The meeting was taking place at the property next to where I rent my cottage. Honestly, as a “renter/non-island-native” type, I was thrilled and nervous. These real, non-transient island property owner women obviously had a pretty exclusive, long term club, and I was a little terrified that they would be able to see past my “charming for like ten minutes” exterior and directly into the soul of my “completely socially illiterate anxiety” interior.

I was instructed to wear something gray, and that the dinner food would be done (snicker) “in the theme of the book.” (When I mentioned this on Facebook, an editor friend of mine responded “How do you design a menu around bad writing?” which was pretty hysterical.)

Having been informed that the women “spend more time drinking wine than discussing the book,” I selected, purchased and chilled a bottle of “Ménage a Trois” and a bottle of “Entwine” to bring the hostess. Let’s call her Joan. Joan had asked what type of wine I drink, and I’d told her I don’t drink wine (unless it’s organic) because it triggers migraines for me. I told her I’d love to just walk over with a martini. She said she’d have a chilled martini glass ready for me. Nice. I brought a Tilghman Island Country store conveniently-sized bottle of Grey Goose that looked about 2 martinis’ worth, and a jar of blue cheese stuffed olives to add juice and complete my preferred Dirty Martini.

I got to the party (gray blouse, black skirt), she handed me the martini glass and right after I poured my drink, Joan asked me to lead the book discussion. I looked around nervously at the 12 women I’d never met before. I noted with appreciation the “Submissive Sausages” vs. “Dominant Dogs” before me.

I took the Internet printed book club discussion questions and explained to Joan that I would need to finish my martini before I led any book discussions. ~~I also rifled through the ladies’ purses to see if I could find any Xanax.~~

Let me admit something. I pictured a group of blue-haired, boring women sitting around gasping at the word “handcuffs” or simply too shy to say anything. Thankfully, I was wrong. While some remained silent (too churchy/conservative to discuss sex book?) most of these ladies were fun, hilarious, brilliant, and more than willing to openly discuss sex toy shops, bondage in the bedroom, feminism and which actor would make the hottest Christian Grey in the movie.

(Seriously. They voted. Matthew Bomer won. Congratulations, Matt.)

The Tilghman Island Book Club was also cool enough to pose for this picture.

And while I had dreaded attending, I found myself having a fabulous time and silently crossing my fingers that I’d be invited back. They made me feel welcome. I have lived in a small town for a dozen years and never felt as welcomed in a social setting as on this tiny island. (I think I just like older women; I was the youngest in the crowd… the age range is probably 50-70?) It was amazing.

We ate our sausages (and baked whole stuffed zucchini) after being instructed to take the sausage that matched our ‘style.’ You’re not going to ask me which one I took, are you? Let’s just say I wanted to take half of each because I prefer one or the other role given my surroundings. Ahem.

Anyhoo, for dessert there were cupcakes with custom made gray icing, strawberries and whipped cream.. The whole thing was gorgeous.

I was wearing a red sea glass necklace (piece found here on the island) and the hostess of next month’s book club meeting was wearing red sea glass earrings that perfectly matched my necklace. We agreed to share the pieces if either of us went somewhere fun.

And she invited me to next month’s meeting.

I might even stop plucking out the occasional gray hairs I’ve been finding.