Girl Vs. Island: Watermen Boyfriends

Did you think I was going to rent a cottage on an island for the whole long, hot summer to write my novel and then NOT have any boyfriends? Of course you didn’t. So let me tell you about them.

I’ve already spilled the beans on Jerry, because he was one of my first island boyfriends and he will always have a special place in my heart even though he sent me crabbing in waters where there aren’t any damn crabs and I only caught one in four days.

I also mentioned Calvin at the Bait & Tackle shop. He was in the running for awhile to be my #1 Tilghman Island Boyfriend because, in addition to remembering my name and hugging me whenever I see him (Dirty Old Men Rule!), one day when it was 98 degrees outside he insisted on pumping my gas for me so I wouldn’t have to stand out in the heat. Swoon.

But the way to this girl’s* heart is through her sea glass collecting (whole post on this to come later).

My first island-boyfriend-who-told-me-where-to-find-sea-glass was Graham. He hung out with me for an hour last Sunday at the Bait & Tackle shop (Calvin wasn’t there. SSSHHH!) while I waited for the New York Times to arrive. The country store already was holding a New York Times for me, but they don’t open til 8 on Sunday and the Bait & Tackle store opens way earlier, so I was drinking coffee with Mr. Bill (he’s like 90 and adorbs) and Graham. Graham told me about this little island I could wade out to at low tide and find some pretty good glass.

I did head out there (believe it or not, I am actually making a sea glass video- it’s going to be dork city when this thing is done, people) and the glass was- well, it was ok. Not great. I still love you, Graham. Getting to the little island was a fun adventure.

So in the lead right now in a heated duel (independent of my new crush on Darnell the master of all crab access, who lets me set the female crabs free in the bay) to be my #1 Island Boyfriend are Big Daddy and Dr. S.

Cute island old men often have names that are not actually names, they are nicknames, but in the way that no one could tell you what their actual name used to be. Big Daddy lives near the country store, and he is one of those ‘unofficial mayor of the island’ types. Needless to say I was drawn to his power and his mad flirting skills, but he had me at knowing where the best secret sea glass beach on the island is located. Needless to say, I will not report that here because I have some sea glass hunter competitors around here, and I don’t want them knowing where it is!

Which is basically on the property of Dr. S. Look, I’m as quick to trespass on a (firing range government) beach to look for glass as the next sea glass hoarder, but to get to the beach where Big Daddy told me the best glass is, I had to walk straight across someone’s property. Ugh. So, at low tide, I knocked on the door of the waterfront Victorian. Dr. S came to the door with his big grin and steely blue eyes and I knew it was love at first. I’m SO not using him because he owns the best glass on the island!

So of course I batted my eyelashes and Dr. S joked that he wanted 10% of my profits. LOL! He is so funny! Be still my heart. He’s 92. No, really. 92. Anyway, I went out on the beach and found the best collection of pieces I’ve ever found anywhere. A tote bag full. Insane. I need to think of something to do with all this sea glass. Anyway, it was 98 degrees and I spent too much time on the beach, I started to feel like I was going to faint for real. Of course, I know Dr. S (who was undoubtedly watching me with binoculars at that very moment) would come down, swoop me up, and bring me inside to his big Victorian house to save my life and deliver mouth to… ok, no. Fantasy ending. Not the mouth to mouth. I don’t want to choke on any dentures here.

I went back to the house, told Dr. S. I had brought his 10% and he of course invited me in for a cold drink like it was the 1890s. I don’t want to get all kinky here, but let’s just say his 92 year old wife was there and we all hung out for like an hour. They’re awesome. I don’t want him to have to cheat on her with me, so we will just have to stay sea glass friends for now.

I wonder if Big Daddy has a wife…

* Side note: My friend Tara has nicknamed me The Notorious T.I.G. because this Tilghman Island girl found a guy who will deliver hot steamed crabs to her door. Like a pizza. Seriously, you can’t get a pizza ordered to your door on this island, but I can get crabs delivered. GANGSTER.

Additional Note: The man pictured, Smitty, is from over on Solomons. He is not my boyfriend, but he reminds me of many of my Tilghman Island boyfriends, whose identity I feel obligated to protect. You know, so their wives don’t find out about us.